Friday, 11 December 2009

all i want for christmas...

all i want for christmas is one day where i feel well enough to truly enjoy the day for what it is. to be able to laugh and giggle with my family without having to wear a mask to hide how a really feel is all i want. one day not much to ask is it one day without pain and fatigue so consuming that thinking is hard work! one day where i could be me the me before i became this ill person that everyone has to look after.

i hate what i have become this Dependant useless individual that needs to be taken every where that cant even clean her own house or cook for her family without feeling like crap.

in reality i know im lucky im not as bad as a lot of people with m.e but i also know that a lot of people out there are better off than me, i try not to get angry at the world for being like this but same days that is very very hard to do. i know im lucky that my family are fantastic and are there to help me at every turn but all i feel is guilt at watching them having to do stuff that i know i should be doing its my job as mum, wife and daughter to be caring for my family. but its a job im failing at miserably.

if i sit in my chair long enough i can fool myself that im ok till i have to get up and move then there is no fooling anyone!

i wish i could buy a present that said how much i value them or a card that could say all the word of love and gratitude i feel but alas none do.

so please for christmas can i have one day where i can do all the stuff my family deserves please only one day...

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