christmas 2009

i was dreading christmas my second with m.e i know by comparison to many that is not a lot but to me it was a stark reminder of how much things have changed. 2008 found me saying that next month i will be better and able to go back to work. during 2009 i realized that it was no more than a dream.

christmas was the time that my mobility became an issue and my illness when from being a nuisance to a serious issue and that has not changed over the last year. 2009 has seen more health issues arrive and more things to learn to cope with.

christmas was yet one more thing to learn to cope with, i had to watch my family running around doing all the stuff that i have done for years, i sat there at the table watching them carve the turkey and pull the roast veg out of the oven. and serve me. while i sat at the table doing nothing to help. the guilt was horrendous, lt was like i was letting them all down, i know that this was not the case i was proud that my daughter and husband could cook and amazing christmas dinner but was sad that i could not do that. the day was wonderful and magical just like christmas should be.