Tuesday, 30 March 2010

its not a good day its just a better day!

i have always thought that those special days where you feel better were good days.
but today when i was explaining what a good days was i realized that they were really only better days. a good day would be the day where i felt like i used to pre m.e and fibro.

for me a bad day means i need help to dress and it hard to make myself a sandwich a lunch time as every thing hurts and all i want to do is sleep, to hold a conversation is hard work and the thought of having a shower is just to much to cope with.

a better day means i can dress myself and shower, i can make my own lunch and maybe go out for and hour on my scooter before the pain and fatigue become to much to cope with. so could i really call it a good day.

to me it is but when i talk to others i realize that they have no concept of my life or the restrictions placed on it by this illness.

one of the biggest problems i have is that i have adjusted to my days and no longer see them as abnormal it just it how it is. i no longer feel strange using a scooter to take the dog out or to go around the supermarket, it does not feel strange that i go to bed at 6.30 pm or that i use a stair lift to go up and down the stairs.

but to the rest of the world my life is restricted it does not allow me to participate within a work place or have an active social life.i can not care for and clean my home nor cook for my family on a daily basis. but in my world this is not strange i no longer think in terms of what i cant do but rather in terms of what i managed.

so im excited if i have made a card, written a letter to a pen pal, helped prepare dinner or have taken the dog out on my scooter. its fantastic to get out into the garden and sit in the green house for 30 mins and plant some seeds. i love it when i get to go to my parents for the day and sit in there kitchen and chat or a friend pops over for an hour.

i feel proud if i manage to dust the lounge because i have managed to help but i no longer exspect to be able to clean the whole house as its not an option.

so i have better days but am hoping that one day i can again have a good day.


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