Tuesday, 13 April 2010

who am i now?

Who am i now is one of the questions i have been asking recently. I know who i was , i was a trainee teacher/student, main carer to my children and hubby, housewife, with a busy social life and lots of friends, i was an active person who like being outdoors and loved to hike. My whole life was goal driven it was about what i was going to do and how i was going to get there and being better than last time.

All that has changed i now no longer contribute to society by working, or to the house hold fiances nor am im the main carer for my family, i am now cared for, i no longer cook and clean or have an active social life as most of the friends i had have disappeared into the wide blue yonder as i no longer participate in life like i used to.

I have however started to redefine myself as for a long time i was not sure who i was. Yes im broken but im still here. I have found new things that help me to define who i am and give me a sense of achievement, pride and allow me to feel needed. Coming on foggies helps me fulfill the needed bit by being able to offer support to others, making cards and painting gives me the sense of achievement and completing something, planting stuff in the green house gives me the pleasure of watching stuff grow.

I now find pleasure in my success's how ever minor and have pride in the small things that i achieve, i miss who i was but i like who i have become, i am more patient, i am able to take pleasure in the simple things i used to take for granted. I am not the person i was pre m.e and i don't know who i would have been if this had not happened, but the person i have become is not all bad, i do miss being able to do some of things i loved like hiking, and work, but i have learnt that these did not define who i was just as m.e does not define who i am now it just creates a few more challenges for me to overcome. In some ways my life is better i have a stronger relationship with my husband and my children as now we have to work together to achieve things. My glass is still full but its content has changed!!

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