choices

the problem with m.e is that every day you have to make choices, they are not the normal choices that you may make every day thay are basic bottom line choices.

do i dress or shower today are the choices that start my day. not because i am lazy or dont what to do all the things that are possible its that my body wont let me do what i want so i have to choose.

last week we went away and i choose to ignore my body to have some fun, it was food for the soul. it gave me a sence of being me the person i once was. but by making that choice i now have to payback what i owe i over spent on my energy card and now the bank is calling in the debt. to those around me it might not seem like im having to much of a problem and am coping well with the energy debt. what they dont see is the fact that i cant sleep cos i dont have enough energy to do so (yes it takes energy to sleep) the pain levels have increased and my brain is struggling to think through the fog that has invaded it.

last night i had to choose again i had the chance to go out and have fun or got to parents evening. i could not do both, once upon a time i did not have to choose i could do both i could got to work keep house study and have a social life. M.E means that every day i have to choose help clean or help cook. go out on my scooter or do the washing. this is how i have to control this illness by rationing my energy expenditure so a stay in credit, being in debt constantly will eventually rob me of what i have now. with luck staying in energy credit might might allow me to save and mean that eventually i have more energy to spend and can make more choices not less.