Thursday, 4 February 2010

happy... sad... always in pain

i think one of the hardest things about m.e is that no matter how you feel it is still there.
i some times wonder if the diference between a good day and a bad day is more to do with how you feel rather than the symptoms being less or more.

when im feeling very happy the symptoms are still there and over take me by the end of the day, but my spirit keeps me going finding the funny side of the stumbles and the wrong words, laughing at my fogetfulness.

on a bad day i wake up with that overwhelming feeling of defeat and loss the pain is there like always but on those days i rage against it, i get cross when i stumble and upset when i forget stuff.

then there are the days where im neither happy or sad. where the pain is there but i cope. i stumble but aceept it as part of life. i dont notice what i have forgotten.
and i try to move forward.

although some of my symptoms come and go my mood afects how i cope, i supose that this is normal.

to day is a normal day not happy, not sad, just here.

every day i wake up with pain in my back shoulders neck and hips as the day goes on it spreads to my knees and wrists and hands. i wake up feeling like i have not slept and by time i go to bed my body is so physically tired i struggle to support my self.
my nose is so cold as are my feet that they hurt like i have just come in out the snow and stuck them on a radiator to warm up to quick. my stomach cramps and then emptys multiple times till the meds kick in. the headache is there that i no longer notice it like that chip in the furnature has always been there. my throat is sore and so dry that i keep drinking and even wake in the night for a drink.

even with all this i still have days where im happy and sad it does not mean that im feeling better just coping with the day or not.

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