there are days when having my family is just the greatest thing in my life the support and care that they give to me unconditionally is more that i could ever ask for.
the hardship is watching them suffer as i struggle seeing the pain that im feeling reflected in their eyes like a mirror to my own soul. seeing there distress makes me hate this illness more every day. how wonderful it would be to have fun with out consequences, to live out one of my dreams if only for a day and to share that joy will my family.
i worry that all i cause them is pain and distress as they see me fight my way through every day, more often than not its a loosing battle and i only manage to stave off inevitable for a short while before it sets up it onslaught and wins the latest battle, as yet the war still rages with neither side a winner. those that advise suggest that you learn to tame the savage beast and work with it the only problem is that feels like im giving some of my self up and becoming a hostage to this disease.
i dont know what to do for the best for me or my family so here i sit still in the middle of a war!