Friday, 16 October 2009

the sun is shining so why do i feel so .....

today i have woken up with all my normal aches and pains by back and neck are already in spasm and its not 10am my legs are so shaky this morning i feel like im on the cake walk at the fair only this is not fun! my head feel like its going to explode as a tight band of pain is the only thing holding it together like a steel band on a barrel, as usual i feel sick and my stomach is churning and even though i take all my med i have visited the loo to many time this morning to count! how do i work that into the pacing! as i stand the red hot sharp pain in my knees and hips fire off like the 4th of july fireworks exploding in sharp breath taking bursts, im sat here wondering why on days like this my brain is alert and awake to be foggy today would be a godsend but that is not to be all of my senses are on overdrive.

what i need is distraction and im not sure that the computer will do that today, im pleased im off to the last of my pacing classes this afternoon at least i will be with other adults and not sat in my luxurious and beautifully appointed home that still on days like this feel more like a prison i know it does not have bars and im free to come and go but on days like this where it does not matter how much painkiller i take i still hurt so much i want to cry it is like a prison that i feel the desperate need to escape from, in reality im not running from my home or my family but trying to run from how i feel the problem is that is a constant and unrelenting companion that even my beloved dog cant chase away,

am i sad no! am i depressed no! do i want to scream and let the world know how a fell yes will it help no because no one want to listen to someone who looks normal!!

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