Monday, 5 October 2009

to be better or not!

how do i balance how to improve my physical health with keeping my mental health!

pacing works i know that if i reduce my activity levels and rest i do feel better but after a week i start to feel physically more able to cope but mentally in going stir crazy, if i do enough to keep me from going nuts the payback starts to get a bit more than i can physically cope with.

an hour of activity is getting to much but i need to go out and leave the house. i cant cope with being stuck in. i need to find the balance.

i cant keep feeling like im the walking dead i need to get this under control, all im doing is fighting and hiding behind a mask so that no one really knows whats going on.

the only problem is the mask is slipping more now im not sure if its because im getting worse or the reduction in the antidepressant meds, if its the latter then im no longer hiding from myself about how this illness makes me really feel. the only problem is i dont like how its making me feel, the sense of not coping and of being out of control is making me freak out.

i know i need to go and talk to the GP but im afraid of what he will say, i know that pain meds i take dont work but to admit that they are not effective is also admitting that i cant cope with the pain! how pathetic is this.

on a positive note i have a fab family a wonderful husband, i have the company of a brilliant dog google who is my constant companion and i would not want to be without.

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