reality looms

there is this dark cloud that hovers over me like a storm waiting to happen its called reality and one day the enormity of what has happened will hit like a bolt of lightening and i will crumble, at the moment i get the odd drip and the occasional shower of realism but for the most part i can hide from the enormity of M.E and what it really is and it means to my life.

this is probably natures way of protecting me from the total devastation that such realism might mean.

so far for the most part im adjusting and have the perennial hope that this is only a passing thing that will go a quickly as it comes, however those showers of realism are starting to make me question this. the more i read about M.E the more the dark cloud gathers the more fear gathers, the latest research linking M.E to a retrovirus much the same as HIV and those that cause cancer has wakened that dark cloud starting it to rumble ominously as all the things that the possible cause of M.E are linked to are fatal and long term. this is not a thought im ready to deal with or consider. may are pleased that a possible cause has been found and while this is good news the prognosis may change greatly as understanding is moved forward the posiblility of that elusive whisper of hope being taken away is terrifying.

the problem is im not a scientist or a Dr and i am reading this information from the perspective of a layman trying to understand what is happening to them the discussion on the forum that i use is complex and intense as members try to understand the true meaning of the discovery and the value of it to us all.

we need funded research carried out on a large scale to find conclusive proof of what is wrong and if it can be cured that palliative care that i receive only hides the symptoms and masks the illness from the out side world it is not a cure it does not help it only hides what is happening, no wonder im still hiding from that big black cloud of realism...