i spend my days sitting in my chair looking out the window watching the time pass as the season changes. once i was an active p0articipant living in the real world busy with family, friends and work. now my days are spent at home some alone and some with family and occasionally with friends though those days are few and far between now.
my parents and hubby worry that im may be lonely but its hard to explain that even when im surrounded by people i don't feel part of life.im not even a observer in the true meaning.
i don't participate not by choice but more by circumstance, M.E has stolen my ability to concentrate in so many ways to talk on the phone is no longer fun, i cant sit in a room full of people and listen to and join in the conversation. to hold a conversation some days is hard work as i struggle to focus.
to watch a film can be exhausting, the sad thing is it is now easier to talk online as i can take time to answer and no one notices!
on good days i get to go out for a bit to spend time with my hubby or parents and chat for a while about nothing, i dont really have a lot to share anymore as im not part of the real world, i dont work or go out on my own so have no funny stories to share.
i miss being a grown up as i seem to have become a child again that needs caring for. gone is the independent self assured woman that i was. i can no longer go out on my own not through choice but by necessity i can no longer drive as just the activity of getting somewhere is exhausting, i cant lift my scooter in and out of the car and since i cant walk any distance there would be no point.
i miss my life and would like it back. i dont want to sit and watch it go by so if you have any spare energy please can you send it to me so i can start to be part of life again!!